Things I've had to learn the hard way in life

This is a list of the things I've had to learn the hard way in life. Funny how the longer I live, the more I realize I don't have all the answers. It is something I've had to come around to, as when I was young, I really thought I had life figured out.
1. No matter what religion tells you, feelings are really important.
2. Never judge anyone or say you would not do something. You really have no idea what you would do until you've been put into the situation.
3. Life, God, and raising children are way to big to fit into any book. (see # 1)
4. Marriage is hard work, but even harder if you never had the deep connection and love you should have. Don't listen to people who say romantic love fades and you just need to make a decision to work hard. Hard work is NOT enough, you need love and hard work.
5. Adapting to change is the single important skill one can have in life.
6. The saying "blood is thicker than water" - bologny. My (real) friends have proven to be more to me than my family.
7. If you find a real friend in this world, be the best and most loyal friend you can. Real friends are very hard to come by.
8. Children feed off of our feelings. If we feel ok about something, they will be ok about it. (most of the time)
9. Children need structure and discipline. ie: they must hear NO from time to time- this from a hippie, free thinking mom who explained WAY too much to her children up to this point.
10. Trust is really important. Not having it can screw a person up; having it can help a person make it through the worst of times.

Get Straight Programs: A sin or not a sin?

I was just wondering, this is a question that W and I talk about often. We both are from very conservative church backgrounds. I was Baptist and she was from an evangelical non-denominational church (just as scary as southern baptists) Now, when I first met W some 9 years ago, she was already in a relationship with her X but they were DEEP in the closet. I remember that on one of the very first times we got together as friends, the subject of homosexuality came up. I told her that I just wasn't sure what I thought about it, not sure it was really wrong, not sure if it was a choice, etc. She did not tell me she was gay, but in fact played devil's advocate as to why the Bible did state that it was wrong. We had an interesting discussion that night. A couple of weeks after that, she told me she was in fact gay and that she had struggled with her faith. She had been in leadership at her church when "IT" happened. She and her X had gone to counseling and tried to quit what they were doing. She even went through one of those "get straight" programs. I believe that she was testing me out to see if I would condemn her or not - at that time she was very careful who she told since she'd been excommunicated (more or less) from this church she loved so much, and didn't always trust friends either. So, over the next few years, we became much closer friends, she became like a favorite aunt to my kids, and a very close family friend of me and my X. She and her partner would come over to cook out or hang out nearly every weekend.

Incidentally, her partner was still in the closet all this time. W never told her that I knew they were gay. No one talked about it and they never showed affection in front of us.

I would go out every Thursday night for my "girls night" and my X went out once a week with his friends. On Thursday nights W and I would have great theological and deep discussions about this question. I always told her that she was one of the best people I'd ever known, kind to people, generous, giving and caring, non-judgemental, befriending society's off casts... how could who she loved matter that much. Would God condemn her for this while she was such a good person? Would that one thing about herself carry more weight somehow? I mean, why is that any more wrong than being greedy with your money or looking down on someone else, not helping the less fortunate? Human beings are just that, human. We are all no better at "being good" than the next. And was it really a sin in the first place? I mean, when the Bible talked about homosexuality being a sin, wasn't it really talking about the behavior in Sodom and Gomorrah, not a committed loving relationship? These were things that I helped her work through over the years. I took her to my little Methodist church that is more liberal than most. I told her that she could still be a good christian and be gay. After a while, we were able to reconcile our beliefs together. It wasn't until Nov. of 05 that we kissed and our world changed so quick.

Funny, all that talking I did to help her "be ok" with being gay, I guess it was preparing me for being gay too.

Maybe this has not been a struggle for some of you. I think growing up in the South and the Bible belt gives you a big ole Southern fried guilt trip. But if any of you have struggled with this, please weigh in on the subject. I've found a few websites I'll share that challenge the mainstream beliefs about the bible if any one is interested.

L

A late night

We had old friends over tonight, old friends that have remained friends from when I was married. You see, W and I were friends when I was married, she was a best friend. There was another couple who always came over to cook out or came to parties. They had a son the same age as my oldest. When the divorce happened, they were so wonderful. They remained friends with both me and XH. They understood me. Now they come over for cookouts with me and W. I appreciate and love them so much. So tonight, I am thankful, for those old friends that didn't decide to take sides and turn against me. And thankful for the fun carefree time we had laughing tonight. They are truly wonderful. And isn't having people over great?
In the afternoon W and I took the boys to an outdoor concert and heard Johnny Cash songs performed live outside in someone's back yard. Then came home and had good food with good friends. Life is good.
L