It's been a while.

I don't really know why I've waited so long to post. Yes, I have been busy, but really no more busy than usual. I have been shy about posting at work, and have had less time away from work to do it. Quite a lot has been going on with me. I will fill you in.

1. I heard about my city school district hiring a bunch of new art teachers, only requiring a BFA degree instead of the usual education degree. And best of all, they will pay for your certification.
2. I first though of W. She really is an amazing teacher, been doing it forever, just not in the public schools. hmmm. I said, health insurance, retirement, benefits.... she should do it.
3. I suggested, she agreed. She is now the official art teacher for a fine elementary school near our home.
4 Then, I though of myself. As you may know, I have been trying to decide what to do with my career. I thought of going back to school for a social work degree or going to nursing school.

• I knew I wanted a career with more flexible hours to be with my kids more (working 8-5:30 sucks when you have kids.).
• I knew I wanted to have a job where I did not feel as though I was moving a corporation to make more money, yet doing nothing to help people.
• I hate the corporate thing. stupid people. stupid meetings. doing stupid things.
• I knew I needed to make more money as I make very little now, barely enough to live from.

5. I looked into it. I asked about 10 million people what they thought. This may be a little exaggeration here, but not much. That is how I make decisions, I ask everyone I know, and even some people I don't know. what they think.
6. I went to the school in question: very far away. very bad neighborhood. but: very nice principal. very nice kids for the 20 minutes that I was there.
7. I thought about the pros and cons:

PROS

• more money.
• more time off.
• summers off with my kids.
• Christmas break with my kids.
• Spring break with my kids.
• Off at 3:30 every day.
• working with children who otherwise have never had an art curriculum.
• children who are sweet and may not get any positive people in their lives.
• kids who really need to be creative.

CONS

• it's yet another change for me. I have had three jobs in one year, moved, become the primary provider after being a stay home mom. , discovered I'm gay, and lost a lot of friends.
• It is far away in a neighborhood I'm not familiar with.
• I do not know if I'll be good at it
• I will probably suck at it the first year

I have decided to move to this new career and see where it takes me. I am afraid of another change, but I really am capable of embracing change and this one seems to be a fairly safe one. (I hope)

So, as you can see, I have been deep in decision making thought for the last 2-3 weeks. I am thrilled that W is taking the new job. She will be home by 2:30 and still pick up the boys every day. She needed the benefits as my 401K was not going to cut it for us later. And... most of all, she will be a brilliant teacher and impact a lot of kids this way, she has a boundless energy and love with children. I hope that I can be only half as good as she already is. I will get her to teach me. I will learn from the other teachers too. We are both starting new jobs at the same time.

I will hate to leave the company I'm with. They've been very good to me. but I do believe I will always wonder if I don't take this opportunity.

Wish me luck on this new and slightly scary change. I will be ok.

L

What you call her

I have thought about this some lately. For those of you who do not know my story, I came from a 14 year typical marriage, two boys, a dog, a house in very upscale area here in the city I live in. I had a best friend who happened to be gay. My H knew it, loved her to death, we both did. I spent time every day with her as I was a stay home mom, and she worked from her home. We were meeting each other's emotional needs for years and didn't realize it. She was with her partner of 13+ yrs who did not really acknowledge their relationship as valid, to others or herself. Any way when I kissed her one night and my life changes forever in that second, I didn't stop to think about my identity or if I'd fit in in a lesbian social scene, etc. That self discovery and questioning came over the next 3-4 months in hell therapy.

I wondered at first what she would be: my partner? too formal. My wife? yes, better, but still not acceptable to society? Girlfriend, No way! That sounds like something you do in high school, teenyboppers and class rings.

I wanted to write a post about our names for each other. What do you call her? Your partner, wife or girlfriend? or other? And what do you call her when no one else is around? Sweetie, Pooky, Baby? Feel free to elaborate on the special names you have for her.

Please answer this question with the name you call her to the world, and your pet names you use in private. I get to be a voyer to your lives in this post. I can't wait to hear our funny little names we call each other. For me, I sometimes call her Baby, and I'm working on finding another one that's more original.... hmm.. I know one will come out that fits her.