100 things about me

Well, these things make you seem shamelessly self absorbed, but it's just for me anyway probably. So I am doing it. I really kind of liked the format of telling about myself in a list. I may do more in this way. I do like reading other people's

1. I am starting this blog to be brutally honest with myself about my feelings, sort of a journal of sorts
2. I hope I will make some connections through it, though I don’t have to.
3. I was married for 13yrs
4. I had two beautiful, wonderful, sweet, amazing, uplifting, boys
5. Yes, BOYS mind you. Never thought I’d be raising boys
6. They are the center of my world and I love them very much
7. I refer to them as SB (sweet boy) and WB (wild boy)
8. That’s because one of them is WILD and one of them is SWEET but still wild, the other is just wilder, and I had to come up with an acronym.
9. Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my divorce.
10. I never thought I would get a divorce
11. I had to get a divorce because I realized I was a lesbian at the age of 40
12. I thought that I was the only one this had ever happened to.
13. I was wrong. I’ve found out that it is not all that uncommon
14. I felt stronger about this than anything ever before.
15. It totally rocked my world
16. I felt very scared when this happened
17. Never wanted to hurt my H
18. He did not deserve it, but I couldn’t help it.
19. He does not believe that I am a lesbian
20. I went through Hell and back to get where I am today
21. Thus, the reason I should write a blog
22. I hurt too many people when all this happened
23. I have a lot of guilt about it but I’m working on forgiving myself
24. I have a wonderful partner who I love to death. She makes me happy
25. Her name is JL, (I’ll explain that term later)
26. She loves and adores me and I’m amazed that she loves me
27. I couldn’t tell my H that I had fallen for her at first
28. Which means I guess I had an affair, no I did have an affair
29. I never thought I would do that
30. I went to therapy for 2 months then told him about it
31. That was an awful day
32. My XH hates me
33. This makes me sad
34. He was an unhappy man for the whole time I was married to him
35. It was hard to live with someone so miserable
36. He would not get help
37. He was mean to me, but I thought that was my fault
38. I thought everything was my fault
39. My partners ex also hates me
40. I hope in time she won’t
41. I had never been with a woman before that kiss
42. But I’d fantasized about it
43. I never enjoyed sex and thought that a lot of women didn’t
44. I thought that was normal
45. I did like seeing two women together in the rare porn movie my XH and I would watch
46. I thought that was normal too
47. I am an art major. Now I do graphic design
48. I love art more than anything, I’m passionate about it but I’m not that good
49. Sometimes I think I am just a wanna be artist
50. I have sold a few paintings though I can’t seem to be consistent
51. I love to collect original art for my house
52. I love my our new house
53. It is very adorable and JL helps me decorate it
54. I’m doing better than I thought I would
55. My kids are definitely doing great, I was worried about them
56. I thank God for that
57. I am a very spiritual person and my faith is stronger than it was
58. I have a problem with judgmental people
59. I know that is sort of judgmental to say
60. I try to understand them
61. I think unless you are living your life like Mother Teresa, you can’t judge anyone
62. I don’t know anybody who is selling all of their worldly goods to help the less fortunate
63. I think God does care how you treat people
64. I was raised Southern Baptist, and I survived it
65. I have changed a lot of my beliefs since then
66. Southern Baptists now scare me, A LOT
67. But I also try to understand them
68. I have only lived in one state
69. I never had wheat bread until I was in college
70. or Chinese food
71. or Mexican food
72. and only pizza once or twice, I loved it!
73. I had a very sheltered life
74. When I came to college, I sort of went crazy trying all different kinds of food
75. I never took a drink of alcohol until my sophomore year, of college
76. I never smoked a cigarette either, and I only did that once in college
77. I never tried pot until I was 35
78. I didn’t get what all the fuss was about
79. I do drink now, mostly wine, red in winter, white in summer
80. My parents only had one birthday party for me as a child
81. When I asked my mother why, she said “because I(my mother) didn’t like to throw them”
82. It was at the one pizza parlor in the town I grew up in
83. That was my one pizza experience
84. We got a McDonalds in my hometown when I was in 7th grade
85. You could not get in that place for weeks because of the line
86. I worked as a graphic designer for many years
87. Then I stayed home to raise my kids
88. I don’t regret that, even though I’ve lost most of my skills and had to take an entry level job now
89. I loved being a SAHM(stay at home mom)
90. Working has been as big an adjustment as my divorce
91. Maybe a bigger one
92. I’m shopping for another career
93. I love art and being creative, helping people, and talking, lots and lots of talking
94. Someone I know thinks I should be a therapist, and specialize in women who discover they are gay later in life.
95. Maybe?
96. I REALLY want to travel with my JL one day.
97. I hated traveling with my XH
98. He would be mean to me and he was OCD and had anxiety
99. I really hated it
100. I love traveling with my JL and my kids