A new entry

Well, I am starting this diary of my life to document all of the immense changes I've been through over the last 1 - 1 1/2 years. This friday will mark the one year anniversary of my divorce. I divorced because after 13 yrs of marriage (yes 13!) at the young age of 41, I realized that I am a lesbian. It came as a great suprise to me. It really came as a suprise to my husband. I fell in love with my best friend. She was also his friend. It was sad. I didn't mean to hurt him. He had hurt me before with his harsh words but still, overall I did care for him and wanted the best for him. I couldn't help it that I fell so hard for my best friend. And boy did it rock my world too. It was the biggest damn thing that has happened to me my whole life, next to the birth of my 2 gorgeous sons. I'll call them SB and WB. (sweet boy and wild boy) We'll call my best friend JL.(maybe I'll tell you later what that stands for, but she'll kill me) Anyway, here I was, just being best friends and feeling like I'd rather spend all my time with her instead of my H... that's normal right? Don't most wives want to spend all their time with their best friend? I thought so. I just wanted to be with her all the time. So did everyone though. (she's just that great) She loved my kids so much too. She had never had any of her own and she was happy to be the best aunt to them. Anyway, I was with her one night out of town, when I had a little to much wine I guess, and I wanted to kiss her. I had wanted to before, but just so I could see what it felt like. I know what you're thinking, that is me wanting to try out being a lesbian, it's just me being experimental. It was all that I guess. But when I did... boy did it rock my world! I have never in my life felt ANYTHING that strong. I thought lightening was shooting through my body. It was very shocking, and she was shocked too. She never had a clue I'd do that. Anyway, from that very moment I knew that my life would not be the same again. I didn't know what it all meant, but I did know that I was having a very BIG moment - I had started a snowball that could not be stopped.