It's been a while.

I don't really know why I've waited so long to post. Yes, I have been busy, but really no more busy than usual. I have been shy about posting at work, and have had less time away from work to do it. Quite a lot has been going on with me. I will fill you in.

1. I heard about my city school district hiring a bunch of new art teachers, only requiring a BFA degree instead of the usual education degree. And best of all, they will pay for your certification.
2. I first though of W. She really is an amazing teacher, been doing it forever, just not in the public schools. hmmm. I said, health insurance, retirement, benefits.... she should do it.
3. I suggested, she agreed. She is now the official art teacher for a fine elementary school near our home.
4 Then, I though of myself. As you may know, I have been trying to decide what to do with my career. I thought of going back to school for a social work degree or going to nursing school.

• I knew I wanted a career with more flexible hours to be with my kids more (working 8-5:30 sucks when you have kids.).
• I knew I wanted to have a job where I did not feel as though I was moving a corporation to make more money, yet doing nothing to help people.
• I hate the corporate thing. stupid people. stupid meetings. doing stupid things.
• I knew I needed to make more money as I make very little now, barely enough to live from.

5. I looked into it. I asked about 10 million people what they thought. This may be a little exaggeration here, but not much. That is how I make decisions, I ask everyone I know, and even some people I don't know. what they think.
6. I went to the school in question: very far away. very bad neighborhood. but: very nice principal. very nice kids for the 20 minutes that I was there.
7. I thought about the pros and cons:

PROS

• more money.
• more time off.
• summers off with my kids.
• Christmas break with my kids.
• Spring break with my kids.
• Off at 3:30 every day.
• working with children who otherwise have never had an art curriculum.
• children who are sweet and may not get any positive people in their lives.
• kids who really need to be creative.

CONS

• it's yet another change for me. I have had three jobs in one year, moved, become the primary provider after being a stay home mom. , discovered I'm gay, and lost a lot of friends.
• It is far away in a neighborhood I'm not familiar with.
• I do not know if I'll be good at it
• I will probably suck at it the first year

I have decided to move to this new career and see where it takes me. I am afraid of another change, but I really am capable of embracing change and this one seems to be a fairly safe one. (I hope)

So, as you can see, I have been deep in decision making thought for the last 2-3 weeks. I am thrilled that W is taking the new job. She will be home by 2:30 and still pick up the boys every day. She needed the benefits as my 401K was not going to cut it for us later. And... most of all, she will be a brilliant teacher and impact a lot of kids this way, she has a boundless energy and love with children. I hope that I can be only half as good as she already is. I will get her to teach me. I will learn from the other teachers too. We are both starting new jobs at the same time.

I will hate to leave the company I'm with. They've been very good to me. but I do believe I will always wonder if I don't take this opportunity.

Wish me luck on this new and slightly scary change. I will be ok.

L

Part 2: the good things in my life, because it's important to take the good with the bad

The Good things:
I held a fabulous party for W's birthday this last labor day weekend! We had all of our sassy straight friends over. (we have only one or two gay friends and one of them lives out of state) I grilled hot dogs for all the kids, and grilled flank steak and fish for tacos. I made a wonderful orzo and asparagus salad and my famous ramen noodle salad for side dishes.
Plenty of beer and wine was consumed, as was a new drink recipe for "Beer margaritas"
Then, I made this fabulous ice cream cake for dessert. I had made it for my youngest son's birthday and everyone loved it so much, I just had to do it again. I think it will be a tradition.

I think I will take a clue from titration and list 50 things that make me happy. I did have a rough week this week, but now I feel better and I want to remember the good things about my life, so here goes. and just for good measure, I want RSG and Nerdgirl to do this too, never tagged anyone before, but there must be a first time for everything.

50 things that make me happy!

sitting on my porch with a glass of wine
playing pigmania with my kids
a great cheese spread for crackers
coming up with a new idea for a recipe
beer margaritas!
air conditioning when it is 100+ degrees outside like here
the millions of tiny frogs in and around my pond, some of them no bigger than a cricket
the hummingbirds flying around my porch
good friends having good conversation
seeing new and wonderful art for the first time
seeing my own art collection and knowing at least I got that from my 13 yr marriage
seeing my youngest's missing front teeth
kissing his neck
knowing W and I are creating a great life/home together
talking about anything with her
good coffee
sushi
cinnamon chocolate cake from starbucks
going to church and seeing the goodness in people
hearing a baby or small child laugh (priceless)
hot showers
cold sheets in the winter
heavy blankets in the winter
snuggling with W
the smell of old musty attics (weird maybe)
rainy afternoons and mornings
thunder
urban gardens
the smell of grilling
fireplaces
fall after the hot hot summer here
beaches at dusk
grilled seafood
Indian food
Thai food
a big glass of sweet tea
a freshly sharpened pencil
new art supplies
art paper with the perfect tooth on it
riding in a boat (something i don't do often enough)
roller coasters
hot tubs
hotels
traveling almost anywhere
trying new food
a great movie
looking at pictures of my kids
reading a great book

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I have had a few rough days lately. I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I've been dealing with some bad things, some good things and some "just busy" things.
Let's say the bad first to get it over with. This will likely be so long that my good things will be in another post, but don't worry stay with me here:
a sense of humor here --->

My mother, who is quite naughty (and I don't mean that in the cutesy nice way) has been up to more of her awfulness.

Some of you may know about how she called me about a month ago, saying she was depressed and felt like dying and it was all because of lil' ole me, and my sister of course. She said it had all come to her and that she knew there was some reason I had gotten a divorce, and now she knows why.... asked if me and W have a sexual relationship. I, being quite taken back by this 76 yr old woman asking me this, said.. "umm.. no, we are just best friends" She continued to nail me to the wall saying she felt like she was going to die, what a disgrace it was, my dad would turn over in his grave, she never raised me that way, I knew what God said about that, etc etc.. You get the picture. Needless to say, she did not believe me. She even said that if I did not bring my children to see her, she would call my x and ask him if all this was true. Also, just for good measure, she stated that what my sister and I had "done" to her about her money was also a reason why she was going crazy.

To explain: about 3 yrs ago, mother dear used up approximately 1/3rd of her and my dad's life savings to buy a bunch of QVC crap that she did not need. All this time, my dad was dying in a nursing home, my mother was spending about $1000 a month over and above her expenses on QVC. My sister and I figured this out, and moved the rest of her life savings into an account with our names on it, and gave her enough to live on comfortably so that she could not waste the rest of their money and that we could save for her so she would not be destitute. (my mother has a long history of addictions. valium for about 25 yrs, cheesecake (2 or 3 a week at times, and now spending at QVC, a call in shopping network)) My sister and my mother do not talk, so I had to be the only person who communicated with both of them. Sounds sick and screwed up huh? It is. My sister was consistantly hateful and mean to my mother, even telling her that we were NOT going to give her back her money because she was not responsible (which was true, mind you, but my sister has no tact with anyone, much less our abusive mother) SO, my mother went to a lawyer and sent my sister a certified letter telling her to give back all of her money.

Anyway, all of this lawyer crap happened with my mother this week, my sister has been calling me hashing it over, meanwhile my sister does not know I am gay or even that W lives with me, I am not telling the sister anytime soon because she lives in another town, we are not close at all, and she's a right wing fundamentalist. She even sent me an email bashing a new book that talks about gays and lesbians being born that way to prove it.
I've talked to my therapist - she does NOT think I need to tell my mom at all, and not my sister any. time. soon. What good does it do to tell someone when they canNOT accept it. they both will just use it against me to shame me, hurt me, make me feel bad... so for now, I do not tell.

Whew! that was long. If you are still reading, take a break and get a drink.

Anyway, it is all going ok for now, my mom will soon blow through the rest of her money which was barely enough to take care of her anyway, and I have to decide how or if to respond to this lawyer thing with her. I do not like being sued... my XH did it to me after our divorce was final. I am technically not being sued but it is close. My mother has probably taken me off the will for all I know, that is ok, but how do I talk to her about it, or deal with it. My kids know none of her abusivness or bad behavior and I don't know how to tell them that we won't be going there for christmas.