blogging therapy

I feel somewhat stressed. My first paycheck was really only a half a paycheck, and W's was a whole one, but somehow, we have blown through all that money and some of my savings, due to some unexpected expenses. It has both of us bummed out. I have no money til my next paycheck, and we have an art show here at our house next weekend. We have to clean up and do paintings, and I have the boys this weekend. W has been working on her paintings steadily while I have time with the boys. I love them dearly, but lately, my oldest who is 12 has been driving me crazy this weekend! I keep fantasizing about slapping him when he is arguing with me... not a good thing to be fantasizing about. I also think about yelling "what the F--- do you think you're doing?"
I don't curse in front of my kids so this would surely make and impact. Thank god he is gone now to a basketball game with a friend. He has so much energy, and 9/10ths of the time, you can't channel it into something worthwhile, but when you do, boy oh boy, he can get some work done. Most of his energy is spent talking, or rather, making noise. I swear, boys make more noise than I ever knew. He makes noise pollution most of the time. and wants to smart off at my ass. I swear, I may yell what the F--- and if I do, his jaw will drop to the floor. I have been way too nice to my kids. should have beaten them so they would mind better.

So, right now, I am sitting here blogging while I should be cleaning and putting up summer clothes and even painting. But. I. am not. motivated. It doesn't help that it is like 35 degrees here right now. I hate the cold weather. It just makes me want to crawl in bed and get warm. or "nap"
But none of that will go on this weekend since the boys are here.

I am starting to feel better just now. I think blogging has helped me.

The place in between

I have always believed that things do happen for a reason. When bad things happen to us it's hard to believe that. It's a personal belief I have and has so far proven to serve me well. Yesterday, I found out while emailing a friend from my old job that the whole company is re-locating to another state and all of the people there will be without a job as of February. They were just told this 2 weeks after I left!! I got a chill up my spine upon hearing this news. I really obcessed over the decision to leave because it was a good job and everyone was so nice. But in the end, I did decide to leave and have faith that this new opportunity was the right thing for me to do. I spent a long time wondering if it was best for ME, then one day in church after nearly making myself sick from worry, I just decided that even if it wasn't best for me, I would do it because the kids here needed me, needed art in their lives, and that I would do it for them and trust God to take care of me. Needless to say, hearing this yesterday made me know I had made the right decision. If that is not a confirmation, I don't know what is. I feel for my friends there and pray that they find opportunities asap. I know there are those who think that this is just a conincidence, but for me, I believe it was god's hand taking care of me. I also think that he is taking care of them even though they lost their jobs yesterday. Maybe a change was needed and now will be the next step to bring on that change. But never the less, it is so stressfull to be laid off. I wish them the best and will work hard to spread the news that some really great people are out there looking for a job now.

In other news, my evening went well last night.. as well as could be expected anyway. We were all at this somewhat swanky art opening with wine and appetizers at the place of business of W's ex's new girlfriend. All the gang was there, S, L plus the four already mentioned. I was glad to go because my supervisor came and I got to meet him. I had been hired for this job over the phone without a face to face meeting. He was so nice! and he was a gay man which I already knew... I know that's beside the point but it does make ya feel good. We had some awkward first words(ex and me) but later in the evening with some wine, we(W, me and ex) ended up chatting a little about meaningless things which was good I think. Small talk among us when we have had a very hurtfull and hard last year. It has been a hard road and a road full of suprising growth for everyone I think. I hope we have broken the ice and now can go forward with less tension. I hope we are in the place in between now, between horrible hurt and healing. But who knows what will happen.

I have the boys this weekend and I'm sure we will be busy as usual. I thought I was getting my first paycheck today, but I was wrong, it will be next friday. Darn! I have to make it on $200 in my checking account till next friday.

and by the way, I had the class from hell a few minutes ago... so glad to be able to blog right now.

have a good weekend!
L

Past and present

The job(s) are going well. Boys are so busy with soccer and stuff. Tonight we go to an art opening where W's ex and her new girlfriend will be. This will be the first time we will all be in the same room. W has "sheilded" her ex from our relationship being thrown in her face for about a year now and it is time to break the ice and get it all out there, so to speak. I think her ex is fine, although she does not bother speaking to me when she bring the dogs over to stay with W and I. I know this hurt her, but it's been a year and she is dating one of the lesbian queens in M. A huge step in the direction of healthiness for her. She was in the closet even with close friends forever. Now she is able to date the lesbian queen. That is so good, so I think she can handle seeing me and W at the opening. It is an opening at the lesbian queen's place of business so i know they'll be there, and we're art teachers so we were invited. Wish me luck. I would like it if we could all be friendly and dare I say, friends - but I doubt if that could happen as T thinks I stole W away, thats right, I drug her by her hair kicking and screaming right? Not. W left on her own free will, in fact I told W several times maybe she should stay with T, but W could not.
Anyway, here's to all our exes...... I'll update tomorrow if I can.

Finally

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. I promise to try to be a better blogger.
I have been really busy for the last few weeks. I started my new job as an elementary art teacher on Oct 22nd and it has been great. I was so scared to make this job change, but I tried to trust that I could do it, and sure enough, it seems it was the right decision. (remind me I said that later when I say I can't stand it anymore because the kids break out in a fight or I can't get control)
I arrived at the school which is in the inner city of Memphis, and everyone was so nice to me and glad to have me there. For the most part, the kids are great. They are very hungry for art as most of them have never taken an art class at all. They Ooo and Aaah over the simplest things I draw on the board and say "she's good. She must be a real artist." They also point at me in the hall and their faces light up when they see their art teacher. I get hugs all day long and all the kids want to stay in my class and never leave. Not a bad way to earn a paycheck, huh? On top of all that, I'm home by 4 on most days. I know I'm still in the honeymoon of this job and it won't always be this good, but for now, I am lovin it! W also started as an art teacher at another city school. She is also having a good time. Both our principals seem to be nice and helpful, and all the other teachers are nice. Memphis is a very divided city along race lines, and you see it no more clearly than in the school system. My school is an all African American school as is W's, but they seem to be accepting us "crackers" just fine.
Thank you Nerdgirl for asking about how I was, and I will try to update a lot more often, though I can't promise every day.



I leave you with some pictures from our recent mostly lesbian Halloween party. We made some new friends I had mentioned before, and we had them over for a party. Fun was had by all. Gay and straight alike. It's nice to know you can sometimes mix your friends up at a party and it will turn out ok. Lots of beer and margaritas never hurts that situation though.
Our friend S didn't show up for our party though. Better come next time S.