Catch you later

I have not written in a while peeps, but not to worry, I am fine. Our weekend consisted of lots of outdoor time in our 70 degree weekend weather which is unseasonably warm for this time of the year, a boring church service, talk of environmental solutions in sunday school, cleaning the studio, painting, walking through the woods, helping my son #2 build steps up the tree, and now to write an essay on why it is important to educate youth in art - at bedtime I'm doing this.
I hope to be writing a post this week. Some of the subjects I'm thinking about:
• Black history celebrations at the Memphis City Schools - beautiful, inspiring
• corporal punishment by parents and the controversy of that
• Why I care nothing about food anymore but yet will not drop weight

Until I can write more.....

Things I've had to learn the hard way in life

This is a list of the things I've had to learn the hard way in life. Funny how the longer I live, the more I realize I don't have all the answers. It is something I've had to come around to, as when I was young, I really thought I had life figured out.
1. No matter what religion tells you, feelings are really important.
2. Never judge anyone or say you would not do something. You really have no idea what you would do until you've been put into the situation.
3. Life, God, and raising children are way to big to fit into any book. (see # 1)
4. Marriage is hard work, but even harder if you never had the deep connection and love you should have. Don't listen to people who say romantic love fades and you just need to make a decision to work hard. Hard work is NOT enough, you need love and hard work.
5. Adapting to change is the single important skill one can have in life.
6. The saying "blood is thicker than water" - bologny. My (real) friends have proven to be more to me than my family.
7. If you find a real friend in this world, be the best and most loyal friend you can. Real friends are very hard to come by.
8. Children feed off of our feelings. If we feel ok about something, they will be ok about it. (most of the time)
9. Children need structure and discipline. ie: they must hear NO from time to time- this from a hippie, free thinking mom who explained WAY too much to her children up to this point.
10. Trust is really important. Not having it can screw a person up; having it can help a person make it through the worst of times.

I'm still here, barely

Well, I know it's been a while since I posted. I, as you can guess have been busy. I have felt very weird and vulnerable lately. I know this job was a blessing, (since my old job is now disolved) and it will turn out in the end, but all of the hoops I've had to jump through have been a little much. I am amazed at the amount of paperwork one must fill out for the government. It is such overkill. I spent 6 hours on Monday night just filling out forms for my upcoming evaluation. And I'm not finished. And I will have to fill out more when I'm done being evaluated. And I will be evaluated 2 more times before May. I am making it through this maze, but barely I feel. I sort of have a dark and heavy feeling about me right now and can't explain why.
There are multiple "irons in the fire" as they say. This is just one of many worries.
here are a few:
money worries since we are paying college tuition x 2 (we've been eating chicken noodle soup for days waiting for a pay check)
it's bitter cold here and I'm worried my heater will go out and I'll have no money to fix it
I'm worried I can't save money for the summer
I have to wait in line at the local school board to try to get my son #2 into a new school (more hoops)
we're both taking a college course
I feel really fat
I can't find time to exercise
I'm worried about my van breaking down
I have 2 classes at school that are more like guarding a prison than teaching. no teaching takes place. (this item could be elaborated on later. It is a really big and sad problem with no solution. depressing. scary. )
I have not made a single friend at my school and I really need one
taxes are coming up
I'm worried my ex will try to re-calculate my child support
I feel like I look so old
anyway... this is a very disjointed post, I know. It is just a brainstorm, because that's what my brain is like lately, a storm. I just need to talk to someone and do have some friends. but they are busy. and I don't want to call them and complain.
maybe some medication is in order??
later,
L

Dr King and faith

Well, I just couldn't resist, RSG was becoming a student, I had too also. Not really, I had been working on it for a while, ever since I took the teaching job. But it is official, I have been accepted into graduate school for art! I have always dreamed of taking more art classes now that I am a more appreciative mature grown up. When I was in school, they were just nuisance's, art classes that is. I am so excited about taking art again and learning about teaching it. W and I are enrolled in a great art school that is just around the corner from house. It is small and in the middle of a historic city park and beautiful. We will now be able to take part in all of their shows as well. Class starts this Tuesday night. Then in May, we have to take a class that lasts for only 3 weeks, but meets every night from 5:30 til 9. That will be interesting. All of these requirements put on us to keep our jobs are very tough, but all along the way, there have been gifts that have been given, like having a man at our church agree to update W's disability testing status so she can have an un-timed test. I do believe that these are blessings from God because we took a leap of faith in doing this.

We just went to church this morning and every time I go it ends up being a blessing. My pastor did a sermon today about Dr. King and how, he would not have been the same man if it had not been for his faith, and the work he did might not have happened. That struck a cord with me. When he was preaching and leading the civil rights movement, many "Christians" were misguided and thought the things he was saying were against the teaching of God and the bible. That belief was largely based on fear. Likewise, today we have many people who are Christians who are so afraid of loving gay couples changing what they falsely believe to be the "right way to live."

My faith has always been a strong part of who I was. For some time, organized religion was not, but I now believe that if we listen to what is in our hearts, and strive to do no harm, that this IS God's spirit working in us. I was then able to embrace my faith and religion and hopefully be the change I want to see in organized religion. There are so many people out there who are devout and sensitive Christians being told their lifestyle is not compatible with God's teachings.
This needs to change and it is changing. Even the mainstream religions are starting to question this as more and more evidence is pointing to the fact that being gay is really genetic, and also that some of the passages previously thought to be anti-homosexual in the bible are really anti- casual promiscuity.

Anyway, I am not a scholar in this subject and will stop before I go too far, but I do know what is in my heart and that I feel closer to my God now than I ever have. I spent many hours in prayer when all of my changes were taking place. I begged for a sign if it was not what was supposed to happen.

Not too long ago in my Sunday school class, we talked about how Christians should stop trying to figure out the details of what is right and wrong, and just love everyone the way Christ did. After that, trust that the holy spirit will work in people's lives. We are not here to judge, we are here to show God's love, the spirit will take care of the rest.

PS: I apologize for my overly spiritual tone if you do not agree. But this is a blog about my feelings and this is what I am moved to write today.

Juno

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot, Juno. We saw Juno over the Christmas break and it was amazing. Definitely see Juno if you haven't. It is getting oscar buzz but even without that, it was a really great storytelling movie. By that, I mean, it was a movie that told a simple story. No special effects, no action, just a well acted story. Ellen Page was incredible and you left feeling a little better about the .... ahem.. much younger generation. and educated about all the new teen lingo too I might add.
See it!
later,
L

Puccini for beginners

We watched a movie last night I had from Netflix. It was called Puccini for beginners. I heard about it on this website. I must say, it was a funny, well done, romantic comedy about a lesbian or bisexual who falls for both a guy and a girl at the same time. I won't say any more about the plot that that, but I would highly recommend it. I thought the main character played by Elizabeth Reaser was adorable and the actress did a fantastic job. She is the same actress who played the patient on Grey's anatomy that had an accident and they had to rebuild her face.. and the cute Dr. Corev fell for her.
And that my fellow bloggers is my first movie review done while blogging.
Actually it is my first movie review ever, unless you count running my mouth a lot.
Watch it and let me know how you like it!
later,
L

crazy weekend update

Friday afternoon I realized I was signed up for a national board exam for teachers on Sat. morning. I had not studied. I would have to cram all Friday night instead of have a nice date night.

Then I got an email that said some things were due to my proposed college that I need to attend in order to keep my job. W and I are in the process of being admitted into graduate school for our art teacher certification. We found out a deadline was Friday for some things. That's ok I said, we'll just rush home at 3:30 and get it togeter

Then after school W called and had locked her keys in her van! I had to drive across town to get her, then we had to rush home to get said items. We could not make it in the traffic. School closed at 4:30. made many phone calls to try to let someone know. turned out it was ok.
whew! But the van! the locksmith had to be called. we called. he could not open it. we called another, he came and 2hrs and $45 later we had the keys. drove back home.

Study till 11:30 then pass out.

Up at 6 to go take test. The test went ok, I think. I am one to the weirdest people in the world obviously. I actually like taking these kind of tests. It is fun to me. Now, I have no idea whether I did pass it or not. I had to guess at several answers. I mean, it's been 25 yrs since I knew which painting ushered in the dutch expressionist movement in the 18th century... or.. whether Degas and Mary Cassat shared a studio or they just both like to paint the human form. It is kind of like trivial pursuit to me. except it cost $100 and my livelyhood depends on it. Seriously though, I get more chances to take the test so I will be fine. I would be so pumped it I passed it though.

Home again. Saturday night we had an old friend over. She is going through a divorce and has been separated for 2 years. She needs to move on but is stuck. W and I tried to give her some confidence that she would make it. I know she will. She is a sharp lady and a great Mom. She stayed over drinking wine until 12:30 though and we were tired.

Sunday to do:
take Christmas tree down (not done)
make lesson plans (check)
grocery shop (check)
decide a major life decision about what school my kids should go to next year. (ended up talking to the ex H for 2 hours on the phone about it -- still not decided)
get extra key made for W's van (not done)
watch the last dvd of the L word we had (ended up staying up until 12:30 doing so)

Whew! I am tired and looking forward to tonight

Random post, 1/10

I could not decide one thing to write about tonight, so I'll post on a couple of different topics:

Topic 1: the Oprah show re-run of the wives who figure out they are gay
Loved it! I have it on my Tevo saved forever, but since Oprah aired it again for the 3rd time, I had to watch it again too. I told W I am keeping it forever on the Tevo box. She laughed at me a little, but I told her, this is my story and it just makes me feel good to watch it. I had been feeling some guilt again for some reason about my ex and ruining his life. Watching this, made me realize again that it was something that I had to do. It's not that I ever didn't think I had to, just that nowadays I will sometimes forget that feeling of inevitable-ness I had when I'm wallowing in guilt. I know that it would not have been fair to stay with him and not be 100% with him, and likewise with W and her ex, who was a woman. Anyway, it is worth watching again from time to time.

Topic 2: Am I the only woman in blog land who does not like Hillary?
I know, she showed some emotion the other day and that was good for her, but for some reason, my gut feeling is that I just do not trust her. Why is that exactly? I did not hate Bill. I think it is a great idea to elect a woman. I just feel that she says what she thinks people want her to say and does this little dance with the issues. With one group she says she was always against the war, with another she sidesteps that and acts as though she was for it, but now against it. I caught myself wondering.. do I judge her because she is a woman? I don't mean to. I know that if she were a man, no one would think one iota about what she says being mean or would not be so hard on her. But still, I just do not like her one bit. It is a gut thing. I can't figure out why exactly. I do think that seeing her have a human emotion is much better. I think I maybe don't like seeing women who don't really show emotion. It does not seem natural. Please, chime in on this topic if you all want. Not meaning to offend anyone here either, this is just my opinion, or rather my "feeling." I do like Obama however. I would definitely vote for him. I will be voting democrat this year, but I will have a very hard time voting for Hilary if she wins the bid. I have always been a swing voter myself, voting for who I feel will do the best job but not on party lines alone. I'm not sure, but I may have to be totally a democratic voter now because of the gay right issue. I do really like Rudy on the republican side, but he is not looking like he will win anyway. He is the only one of the republicans who is not in bed with the damn religious right, which may be why he is losing that bid.

Topic 3: Coming out to old friends you have not seen in ages
We were invited to dinner saturday night with a couple who does know my story. She invited another of her friends over whom I used to know fairly well, on a casual basis, you know, I never went out with this girl or never did things with her and her husband as a couple, but would see her often at my son's school, target, eating out etc. I even talked to her several times about a job. She was not a good friend of mine but more than an acquaintance. Anyway, I asked friend 1 if this girl knew I was divorced etc. Friend 1 said she would let her know ahead of time if I did not mind so as to not make her or me feel awkward. Apparently, she told her on the phone and the girl sort of freaked out. She had a good friend leaving her husband for another man and was devasted by it. They all did a lot as a group. Anyway, friend 2 came over even though she was freaked and just did not make eye contact or talk to me. I was a bit shocked to say the least. Talked to friend 1 the next day and she apologized a lot and said that she suggested for her to do whatever she needed to, ie: not come if need be. The girl came anyway.
Got me to thinking... why is this so disturbing to her when she did not know me all that well and did not know my ass of an ex H at all. What makes her think she can assume anything about my life. My kids are doing really well and even the ass Ex and I are getting along ok. I don't think it was a homophobic issue with her, just a divorce issue. I find it funny how some people have a problem with one or the other. divorce or being gay, but not both. I mean, it's my life not her's. Why not just be glad we are all doing ok and smile and wish me luck on this next part of my journey. I have to say it is probably fear generating this reaction. She is afraid it could happen to her, divorce that is. And she should realize that it could happen to anybody, even her. But that is too scary for her I'm sure. It was for me too but I made it.
Just a few random thoughts on this Thursday night. The weekend is coming up people. Our alone date night weekend! Yay! We have no money but we'll just stay home and rent the L word... my, my.
later
L

Wii training?

I spent many hours with my sons playing the Wii over the Christmas break. The sports ones were my favorites. Tennis was impossible for me to control, but the bowling and the boxing were so fun. However, after playing Wii boxing for about an hour one day, I noticed that I was quite sore the next day. I tried to figure out what in the world I had done to get so sore. Then it dawned on me... It was Wii! The kids would make fun of me when I was boxing because I would practically hit one of them who was in the way. They just gently moved their controllers while I swung and dodged like a Ty Bo class. I guess it was a good work out. Or, I am just terribly out of shape. I think it was the latter. Now the Wii is gone back to their dad's house. Now me and my wife shall settle in with a glass of wine to watch the first season of the L word. woo hoo! kid free for another night!
later,
L

Back in the saddle

Well, I was dreading getting back to school (my teaching job), but was quite surprised yesterday that it was easier than I had thought it would be, and getting back into the routine feels nice, actually. I loved having the long break with my kids, but am glad they are with their dad for a couple of days. Too many dogs and kids for too many days is what I say. Last night was very nice. W and I took the dogs for a long walk, then took them home to their other momma, then we went to RP for a nice dinner and a couple of cosmos! Yeah! The dinner was good, the cosmos were even better, the company even better. W's principle came into her class unexpected yesterday. W just though she was observing. Come to find out it was a formal observation! She was supposed to be able to know about that ahead of time. She would have been freaked if she knew what was going on at the time. Anyway, seems she did ok, although the formal written evaluation has not been seen yet. W needed a drink! and I enjoyed one too. We came back and started to watch Medium but had to turn it off for the show was just too disturbing last night. What is it with TV these days? I miss Seinfeld, and Will and Grace. What ever happened to a good comedy. Everything is either reality shows or some dark creepy police drama about murders and s__t. Anyway, the night did turn out good after the TV went off.
Now it is off to teach the crazy children again today. Wish me luck on my second day back.
later,
L

Continued....

What is precious to me






To whomever shot a bullet through my window on New Years Eve, and to my city leaders,

I don't feel safe anymore. My city is riddled with crime. Within the last week, 3 people I know have had a major crime happen on their street. And we're not talking petty crimes either. Major things like drive by shootings, escaped suspects running on foot through the neighborhood, and me, I got a stray bullet through the bedroom window. I woke up new years day to find a whole in the window that is right by my bed. It took a while to register with me, but then I started figuring out - this was not rock that caused the whole. It was a bullet! I even found the bullet for proof later. It bounced off my headboard! While examining the whole, I noticed that it came from very high in the air. People in this city shoot up in the air on holidays. Go outside on any July 4th or New Years eve and you'll hear massive amounts of gun fire. Why these people can't buy fireworks, I don't know. Last year, a little girl was killed while standing outside on new years because one of these stray bullets came down and hit her head. This year, the gunfire was worse. People say they heard automatic weapons being shot. Now the question comes up: do we move, and if so, where to? No place in this city is really safe, but maybe another area would be a little better. Maybe I could have a 3 year plan to move. But for now, what? bullet proof glass? do I just trust that God is taking care of us? do I just not let my kids play outside? how would you all view this? a sign to move? or a sign that God didn't want me dead right now? I am very disturbed about this, but don't really know what to think.
for now,
L

Is it a sign?

Well, it has been a long time since my last post, but I have good excuse, really, lots of good excuses in fact. W and I got out for Christmas break on the 21st, the kids were with their dad until Christmas day, then with us until they go back to school on the 7th. They have been just a little high maintenance, well a lot high maintenance actually. My oldest is quite hyper and tends to get every kid in the room excited too. Imagine this.... me, W, the two wild boys, the two very large dogs that W shares custody of with her ex, W's nephew Ty who is visiting her brother, her brother's dog, all in a tiny two bedroom, 1200 sq foot house. Add to that, a new Wii, lots of other new toys, lots of chocolate in the stockings, and the dynamic that 3 boys have when they get together. All this, mixed with two new teachers who deal with really naughty kids all day, who also happen to have had very little alone time in two weeks, a 12 yr old boy who thinks he knows more than us and wants to challenge both of our authority at every turn, the visiting nephew who tends to have issues of bullying and not getting along with anyone .... well, it has been more than a little chaotic and even maddening. Last night, the boys' dad took them to his house for a visit. I was going to surprise W with a night at a hotel out of town, complete with a jacuzzi in the room. I booked the room, but then all of these before mentioned people would not leave, the dogs would not leave, nor could we find proper babysitters for said dogs. (you cannot believe the degree of pampering these dogs are used to. they have never spent a night and very few days alone. they require as much care as children, really). Anyway, needless to say, the hotel got canceled, but we still had a night alone to go to a nice cozy bar/restaurant and eat dinner, have wine, then go to a great movie. At last, a little relief from the holidays....
ahh the holidays, sounds of gunshots ringing out and a surprise in our bedroom...
to be continued....

blogging therapy

I feel somewhat stressed. My first paycheck was really only a half a paycheck, and W's was a whole one, but somehow, we have blown through all that money and some of my savings, due to some unexpected expenses. It has both of us bummed out. I have no money til my next paycheck, and we have an art show here at our house next weekend. We have to clean up and do paintings, and I have the boys this weekend. W has been working on her paintings steadily while I have time with the boys. I love them dearly, but lately, my oldest who is 12 has been driving me crazy this weekend! I keep fantasizing about slapping him when he is arguing with me... not a good thing to be fantasizing about. I also think about yelling "what the F--- do you think you're doing?"
I don't curse in front of my kids so this would surely make and impact. Thank god he is gone now to a basketball game with a friend. He has so much energy, and 9/10ths of the time, you can't channel it into something worthwhile, but when you do, boy oh boy, he can get some work done. Most of his energy is spent talking, or rather, making noise. I swear, boys make more noise than I ever knew. He makes noise pollution most of the time. and wants to smart off at my ass. I swear, I may yell what the F--- and if I do, his jaw will drop to the floor. I have been way too nice to my kids. should have beaten them so they would mind better.

So, right now, I am sitting here blogging while I should be cleaning and putting up summer clothes and even painting. But. I. am not. motivated. It doesn't help that it is like 35 degrees here right now. I hate the cold weather. It just makes me want to crawl in bed and get warm. or "nap"
But none of that will go on this weekend since the boys are here.

I am starting to feel better just now. I think blogging has helped me.

The place in between

I have always believed that things do happen for a reason. When bad things happen to us it's hard to believe that. It's a personal belief I have and has so far proven to serve me well. Yesterday, I found out while emailing a friend from my old job that the whole company is re-locating to another state and all of the people there will be without a job as of February. They were just told this 2 weeks after I left!! I got a chill up my spine upon hearing this news. I really obcessed over the decision to leave because it was a good job and everyone was so nice. But in the end, I did decide to leave and have faith that this new opportunity was the right thing for me to do. I spent a long time wondering if it was best for ME, then one day in church after nearly making myself sick from worry, I just decided that even if it wasn't best for me, I would do it because the kids here needed me, needed art in their lives, and that I would do it for them and trust God to take care of me. Needless to say, hearing this yesterday made me know I had made the right decision. If that is not a confirmation, I don't know what is. I feel for my friends there and pray that they find opportunities asap. I know there are those who think that this is just a conincidence, but for me, I believe it was god's hand taking care of me. I also think that he is taking care of them even though they lost their jobs yesterday. Maybe a change was needed and now will be the next step to bring on that change. But never the less, it is so stressfull to be laid off. I wish them the best and will work hard to spread the news that some really great people are out there looking for a job now.

In other news, my evening went well last night.. as well as could be expected anyway. We were all at this somewhat swanky art opening with wine and appetizers at the place of business of W's ex's new girlfriend. All the gang was there, S, L plus the four already mentioned. I was glad to go because my supervisor came and I got to meet him. I had been hired for this job over the phone without a face to face meeting. He was so nice! and he was a gay man which I already knew... I know that's beside the point but it does make ya feel good. We had some awkward first words(ex and me) but later in the evening with some wine, we(W, me and ex) ended up chatting a little about meaningless things which was good I think. Small talk among us when we have had a very hurtfull and hard last year. It has been a hard road and a road full of suprising growth for everyone I think. I hope we have broken the ice and now can go forward with less tension. I hope we are in the place in between now, between horrible hurt and healing. But who knows what will happen.

I have the boys this weekend and I'm sure we will be busy as usual. I thought I was getting my first paycheck today, but I was wrong, it will be next friday. Darn! I have to make it on $200 in my checking account till next friday.

and by the way, I had the class from hell a few minutes ago... so glad to be able to blog right now.

have a good weekend!
L

Past and present

The job(s) are going well. Boys are so busy with soccer and stuff. Tonight we go to an art opening where W's ex and her new girlfriend will be. This will be the first time we will all be in the same room. W has "sheilded" her ex from our relationship being thrown in her face for about a year now and it is time to break the ice and get it all out there, so to speak. I think her ex is fine, although she does not bother speaking to me when she bring the dogs over to stay with W and I. I know this hurt her, but it's been a year and she is dating one of the lesbian queens in M. A huge step in the direction of healthiness for her. She was in the closet even with close friends forever. Now she is able to date the lesbian queen. That is so good, so I think she can handle seeing me and W at the opening. It is an opening at the lesbian queen's place of business so i know they'll be there, and we're art teachers so we were invited. Wish me luck. I would like it if we could all be friendly and dare I say, friends - but I doubt if that could happen as T thinks I stole W away, thats right, I drug her by her hair kicking and screaming right? Not. W left on her own free will, in fact I told W several times maybe she should stay with T, but W could not.
Anyway, here's to all our exes...... I'll update tomorrow if I can.

Finally

I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. I promise to try to be a better blogger.
I have been really busy for the last few weeks. I started my new job as an elementary art teacher on Oct 22nd and it has been great. I was so scared to make this job change, but I tried to trust that I could do it, and sure enough, it seems it was the right decision. (remind me I said that later when I say I can't stand it anymore because the kids break out in a fight or I can't get control)
I arrived at the school which is in the inner city of Memphis, and everyone was so nice to me and glad to have me there. For the most part, the kids are great. They are very hungry for art as most of them have never taken an art class at all. They Ooo and Aaah over the simplest things I draw on the board and say "she's good. She must be a real artist." They also point at me in the hall and their faces light up when they see their art teacher. I get hugs all day long and all the kids want to stay in my class and never leave. Not a bad way to earn a paycheck, huh? On top of all that, I'm home by 4 on most days. I know I'm still in the honeymoon of this job and it won't always be this good, but for now, I am lovin it! W also started as an art teacher at another city school. She is also having a good time. Both our principals seem to be nice and helpful, and all the other teachers are nice. Memphis is a very divided city along race lines, and you see it no more clearly than in the school system. My school is an all African American school as is W's, but they seem to be accepting us "crackers" just fine.
Thank you Nerdgirl for asking about how I was, and I will try to update a lot more often, though I can't promise every day.



I leave you with some pictures from our recent mostly lesbian Halloween party. We made some new friends I had mentioned before, and we had them over for a party. Fun was had by all. Gay and straight alike. It's nice to know you can sometimes mix your friends up at a party and it will turn out ok. Lots of beer and margaritas never hurts that situation though.
Our friend S didn't show up for our party though. Better come next time S.

I will Survive!

I know some of you may have heard this, but I have finally decided to take the job as a school art teacher in the public schools here. It has been a decision full of difficulty for me. I saw it as a great opportunity, but it was another job change for me. I have not even been at my present job for a year. W is also taking a job with the schools. The city has hired 80 new art teachers for elementary as they have never had an art program for the kids. This is so sad to me, yet not really surprising. Memphis (and possibly much of the south) has long had a lax attitude about education. Art is one of those things considered a luxury in education here. It should not be a luxury. Art fuels children's creativity, problem solving skills, and teaches them how to turn a "mistake" into a thing of beauty. It boosts children's self esteem as a "no rules" form of self expression. I am so excited to be going to a job where I will make a difference every day in my work. I am trying to be cautiously optimistic as I know that working for a system this large will have many many negatives. Memphis has the 13th largest school system in the nation, and it's one of the poorest cities as well(incidentally, it's mayor now in his 5th term, has voted himself so many pay increases that his salary is in the top five mayor's salaries, bigger than the mayor of Atlanta and Chicago, just to name two.) Many of these kids I'm about to go teach have never used paint, much less taken an art class. I hope I can weather this new change that W and I are about to go through. It will provide me with a better paycheck, more time off, and better benefits than my current job. I know it will be hard as changing jobs always is, but I will survive.

I hope you all are enjoying the fall weather. Memphis is having record breaking high temps this week. Sunday it was 95 degrees! I can't wait for cool weather to come. Here's a quick list that comes to mind that I will love about fall:

• glasses of red wine sipped on the front porch
• comforting bonfires in the fire pit in my back yard
• having the cool weather cause us to get all frisky
• carving pumpkins with my kids
• Halloween decorations!
• bowls of warm chili
• apple pies
• the yearly fall art festival that happens here, lovely art
• our own art show we will hold on Dec 1, my birthday

Ooo I can't wait. Wish me luck on my new job. Any tips from you teacher types out there would be much appreciated.

L

Moving On

Memphis is a very divided town, most likely due to it's painful history during the civil right movement. Martin Luther King was killed in Memphis and we have not really ever gotten over it.
Just recently, we had a mayoral election here. The incumbant mayor is a black man who's been the mayor for 16 yrs. (can you say term limits) He used to be good at his job. I voted for him more than once. Memphis needs a black mayor. But not this one. He has a most horrible reputation for cocaine use, multiple children out of wedlock, taking money under the table, using city money to build huge new sports stadiums instead of putting it in the schools. We have the highest murder rate in the nation, we're the rape capitol of the country and this man got re-elected!!!?? He is most notorious for having conflict during city council meetings and asking people to take the fight outside, and for saying things during elections like "this election is all about race and power"
Now tell me, is this a good man to run this city? I am amazed that he was re-elected. Two other people were running against him, so he only got 41% of the vote. (there are no run off elections here). The apathy here is amazing because even with so much at stake, only about 42% of registered voters showed up to vote. I ask you, what is the problem. So yesterday, Friday, was a big let down to me. I was so hoping to wake up to a new mayor to help this city I love move forward to a more positive direction. The suburbs here are growing tremendously because everyone just wants out of the city due to the crime. If this city does not start changing for the better, we will be in trouble.
later,
L

It's been a while.

I don't really know why I've waited so long to post. Yes, I have been busy, but really no more busy than usual. I have been shy about posting at work, and have had less time away from work to do it. Quite a lot has been going on with me. I will fill you in.

1. I heard about my city school district hiring a bunch of new art teachers, only requiring a BFA degree instead of the usual education degree. And best of all, they will pay for your certification.
2. I first though of W. She really is an amazing teacher, been doing it forever, just not in the public schools. hmmm. I said, health insurance, retirement, benefits.... she should do it.
3. I suggested, she agreed. She is now the official art teacher for a fine elementary school near our home.
4 Then, I though of myself. As you may know, I have been trying to decide what to do with my career. I thought of going back to school for a social work degree or going to nursing school.

• I knew I wanted a career with more flexible hours to be with my kids more (working 8-5:30 sucks when you have kids.).
• I knew I wanted to have a job where I did not feel as though I was moving a corporation to make more money, yet doing nothing to help people.
• I hate the corporate thing. stupid people. stupid meetings. doing stupid things.
• I knew I needed to make more money as I make very little now, barely enough to live from.

5. I looked into it. I asked about 10 million people what they thought. This may be a little exaggeration here, but not much. That is how I make decisions, I ask everyone I know, and even some people I don't know. what they think.
6. I went to the school in question: very far away. very bad neighborhood. but: very nice principal. very nice kids for the 20 minutes that I was there.
7. I thought about the pros and cons:

PROS

• more money.
• more time off.
• summers off with my kids.
• Christmas break with my kids.
• Spring break with my kids.
• Off at 3:30 every day.
• working with children who otherwise have never had an art curriculum.
• children who are sweet and may not get any positive people in their lives.
• kids who really need to be creative.

CONS

• it's yet another change for me. I have had three jobs in one year, moved, become the primary provider after being a stay home mom. , discovered I'm gay, and lost a lot of friends.
• It is far away in a neighborhood I'm not familiar with.
• I do not know if I'll be good at it
• I will probably suck at it the first year

I have decided to move to this new career and see where it takes me. I am afraid of another change, but I really am capable of embracing change and this one seems to be a fairly safe one. (I hope)

So, as you can see, I have been deep in decision making thought for the last 2-3 weeks. I am thrilled that W is taking the new job. She will be home by 2:30 and still pick up the boys every day. She needed the benefits as my 401K was not going to cut it for us later. And... most of all, she will be a brilliant teacher and impact a lot of kids this way, she has a boundless energy and love with children. I hope that I can be only half as good as she already is. I will get her to teach me. I will learn from the other teachers too. We are both starting new jobs at the same time.

I will hate to leave the company I'm with. They've been very good to me. but I do believe I will always wonder if I don't take this opportunity.

Wish me luck on this new and slightly scary change. I will be ok.

L

Part 2: the good things in my life, because it's important to take the good with the bad

The Good things:
I held a fabulous party for W's birthday this last labor day weekend! We had all of our sassy straight friends over. (we have only one or two gay friends and one of them lives out of state) I grilled hot dogs for all the kids, and grilled flank steak and fish for tacos. I made a wonderful orzo and asparagus salad and my famous ramen noodle salad for side dishes.
Plenty of beer and wine was consumed, as was a new drink recipe for "Beer margaritas"
Then, I made this fabulous ice cream cake for dessert. I had made it for my youngest son's birthday and everyone loved it so much, I just had to do it again. I think it will be a tradition.

I think I will take a clue from titration and list 50 things that make me happy. I did have a rough week this week, but now I feel better and I want to remember the good things about my life, so here goes. and just for good measure, I want RSG and Nerdgirl to do this too, never tagged anyone before, but there must be a first time for everything.

50 things that make me happy!

sitting on my porch with a glass of wine
playing pigmania with my kids
a great cheese spread for crackers
coming up with a new idea for a recipe
beer margaritas!
air conditioning when it is 100+ degrees outside like here
the millions of tiny frogs in and around my pond, some of them no bigger than a cricket
the hummingbirds flying around my porch
good friends having good conversation
seeing new and wonderful art for the first time
seeing my own art collection and knowing at least I got that from my 13 yr marriage
seeing my youngest's missing front teeth
kissing his neck
knowing W and I are creating a great life/home together
talking about anything with her
good coffee
sushi
cinnamon chocolate cake from starbucks
going to church and seeing the goodness in people
hearing a baby or small child laugh (priceless)
hot showers
cold sheets in the winter
heavy blankets in the winter
snuggling with W
the smell of old musty attics (weird maybe)
rainy afternoons and mornings
thunder
urban gardens
the smell of grilling
fireplaces
fall after the hot hot summer here
beaches at dusk
grilled seafood
Indian food
Thai food
a big glass of sweet tea
a freshly sharpened pencil
new art supplies
art paper with the perfect tooth on it
riding in a boat (something i don't do often enough)
roller coasters
hot tubs
hotels
traveling almost anywhere
trying new food
a great movie
looking at pictures of my kids
reading a great book